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Friday, September 28, 2012

selflessness.



I have found that waking up in the middle of the night to feed my little boy becomes less bothersome as time goes on. It was really hard at first. I wasn't used to giving myself so completely to someone else, and the feeding every two hours with no sleep almost angered me at points. Again?! I would scream inside myself. I couldn't believe that anything would have the needs this little baby had. As time went on it occurred to me that it's not about me anymore. Pregnancy is tricky. It was all about me because my baby was snuggled deep inside my womb. Attention to the baby appeared to be attention reflected on me. The moment this sweet baby breathed life, it was clear: this is not about me, it's about him. I have lived my life up to that moment shaping who I was and who I would be in the future. Who I would be as a mother. And now, my life centers around my husband and my son. The way it should be. We are a family. I give myself to my husband and son and they give back to me in ways I can't even begin to describe.

Those late night feedings get easier. Your body becomes accustomed to less. Less food, less sleep, less quiet time. It's an ongoing lesson, and I am still learning.



Blogging has changed for me. I find myself less trying to decide what to blog about and more sitting at the computer attempting to coherently shape my thoughts and current frame of mind. I am not sure if this at all interesting to readers, but I know it will be fun for me to look at this blog in five years. Who I will be come in five years may be drastically different from who I am today. I am evolving. I am feeling the most fulfilled in my life than I ever have, and I know my son will change my life and perspective as time goes on.

Thank you, readers, for being there for me as I am working to find myself again.

2 comments:

  1. This is exactly why I blog- as a document of all the little day to day things, whether that be what I wear/ cook/ where we go etc.

    I remember that stage with Ben well but would just try to encourage you (though it's tough at times) to relish that bond. I aimed to reduce the number of feeds I gave my son when I went back to work at ten months and, to my dismay, I must have reduced it too suddenly as my milk production just stopped. I was in shock. I got used to it in time but I really missed those late night bonding feeds when it felt like we were the only two in the world awake.

    I'm 19 weeks now and I'm sure with the new baby, my nostalgic memories may be challenged with the reality of sleep deprivation but for now, I can't wait to do it all again.Rx

    sandersonsmithstory.blogspot.co.uk

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  2. i am always so inspired by the changes a mom goes through right before, during and after pregnancy. how could you not transform emotionally, spiritually, physically? it's just so beautiful!

    by the way, I love your new bangs! I wish I could pull that off!

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