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Monday, November 19, 2012

also, not unscathed.


 Let's be honest here. You can't walk away from a situation where you are made to prepare to say goodbye to your young child forever completely unaffected. Twice now in the last five weeks I have witnessed serious "close calls" in the name of my son's life.

I have been asked, several times now, "How are you coping with all this?"

Comments have been made about about how my husband and I must be exhausted, stressed, unnerved.

Yes, it is true. We haven't said goodbye to this experience yet and when we finally do we won't be unscathed from all of it. Elliott is in the hospital right now, hooked up to tubes and wires and all these other things that pull at my heart strings.

But we can't let our stresses and fears eat us up inside. When you are in a situation like this, you live in the now. I keep moving forward because that is what Elliott is doing. Moving forward.

Last night we sat in Elliott's room while he slept. We felt worried because one of his lungs was collapsed and he was working very hard to breathe. His heart rate was up and he was hungry, but due to his breathing issues they hadn't fed him yet. He looked exhausted and I felt unsettled. It was about 8:15 pm. An alarm went off in the unit. Nurses ran to the room that was two doors down from Elliott's. The hallway was like a river, nurses and medical staff running in one direction. A young girl and her partner stood, hysterical, in the hallway of the unit, terrified for their child's life. I heard they were doing chest compressions. I could do nothing but cry my eyes out, a familiar heartache rushed over me. I had just been there, the wounds were fresh.

After what felt like an eternity Elliott's nurse confirmed that that little baby was okay, she was brought back. I looked at my own little boy, amazed at what he's been through. In spite of his rough day yesterday he was so far improved from where he was at just a couple days ago. I cope with all of this because each day brings a reason to celebrate. Just this morning Elliott collapsed lung was much improved and they started feeding him. Yes, he's in the hospital dealing with pain and homesickness. Yes, my husband and I have been through the emotional wringer. But tomorrow is a new day.

2 comments:

  1. It's ironic to think that Elliott isn't going to remember any of this - he'll be a happy little boy and go on like nothing happened - while you and your family have to deal with the lingering trauma of this experience. But, you guys are amazing, and have a great outlook on all of this. It's going to make you stronger - physically (in Elliott's case), and emotionally as individuals and as a family.

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    Replies
    1. ...tell me about it. I think we need therapy after all of this.

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