blowing off steam.

Elliott's recovery, I've gathered, has been a bit slow. Much slower than was first projected at his pre-op appointment. They said he would most likely be home by Thanksgiving. Well, that day has come and gone. My 31st birthday is in a couple of days, and I am foreseeing that day come and go while at the hospital as well. I think we can thank a ventilator-caused respiratory infection for that. It's clearing up, thankfully, due to some antibiotics but Elliott is on a high-pressure nasal cannula to assist with his breathing and they will not bottle feeding him until he's off that. They won't send him home without being clear that he will bottle feed. A long, long, long haul, and I am not sure when we'll start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

After a 5th failed PICC line attempt in his entire stay, they were stopping his (miniscule) feeds yet again yesterday in order to sedate him so they could make a 6th attempt at a PICC line. Elliott's got scars and bruises all over his arms and legs at this point, from both PICC line attempts, short-term peripheral IVs, and blood draws (if he had a working PICC line, he would not need to be poked for blood draws). He's got dark circles under his eyes and constantly looks tired. I haven't seen him smile in two weeks. He's skinny. Hearing this news, no feeds due to another PICC line attempt that would likely end in failure, well. I blew my top in that hospital room of his. I think I composed myself as best I could, but this mama bear's blood was boiling inside. Boiling.

I did not need to hear why Elliott needed a PICC line. I didn't need excuses on why the other attempts had failed. I did not need to hear from the doctor that if she was in the same situation, she would want what is "best" for her child.

What I did need: To see Elliott get some rest. To see Elliott get his much needed food. To see Elliott not be in pain every bleeping second of the day. In my opinion, that is what is best for Elliott. All other medical tests/medicines/procedures is far secondary. If Elliott's basic needs aren't met, he does not stand a chance. And there was no way in h-e-doublehockeysticks I was consenting to a PICC line that day. No way.

And so. After voicing my opinion, the docs stepped away for a second. They came back, agreed to up Elliott's feeds, cut down on the blood testing, and back off on PICC line attempts, at least for a couple of days. Mama bear here, a little less agitated.


  1. Good for you mama. ALWAYS trust your instincts- you know your son better than anyone in the world.

  2. Hi Charlotte,

    My mom is friends with your mother-in-law...Jill :) This is one connection of how I have been praying for Elliot. However, before I knew this....I was asked by a friend that works with your husband to pray for your sweet baby.
    I know we are strangers but I feel compelled to share with you that I am praying fervently for Elliot and your family. I pray for healing of Elliot's condition so he can come home, peace that surpasses all understanding for your family and for God's presence to fill you abundantly today.

    Jen Medeiros

    My email


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