to my little boy.
|The last day or so during his previous stay at the hospital. I am pretty convinced he looks like his papa here.|
Sweet little boy, it breaks my heart to see you in the hospital. Last night your morphine was turned way down and that damn breathing tube was still in. You yawned, so exhausted from everything you've been through, and with each yawn you'd start to cry. It hurts to have that tube in. I know. I hate it. It makes me want to cry too, but I am trying to be strong for you. I cry in the car or the bathroom or anywhere else.
But little boy, you are strong. You are strong. I can't even imagine the pain you're in, but you're pushing like a tattooed strong man at a circus. I never knew it was possible but watching you grow in this experience has made me love you a million times more than I already did. As your mama I never needed a reason to love you, my love is innate, but this whole experience has shed light on who you are and I love you so much for it. You are only three months old and already you have amazed all of us around you. You are such an inspiration to your papa and me and we are so proud to call you our son.
You have a long, long road ahead of you, little boy. You will have more surgeries. They say you might need a little extra help along the way. (We'll see, I'm still convinced you're a genius.) If I could I would take your struggles upon myself, but I can't. This breaks my heart. But know that in any situation you face that is tough I'll be right behind you. I will hold your hand when you need it. I will be there on the hardest days and also, the happiest. And even though you have some things about you that make you special there will always be a reason to be happy. Always a reason to celebrate. The hard times make us stronger, and more appreciative of the happy times. As your mama I will make sure that there are lots and lots of happy times. I promise.
Little boy, I love you. I love you so much and am always thinking of you. You have changed my life. Thank you for being my little boy.
Another letter to my little boy, before all of this happened, here.