I took a huge step yesterday and finally uploaded a photo of my little one and his heart surgery scar onto Facebook. I am not sure what made me so tentative, except that I just didn't feel like I was ready to put that kind of image of my son out there in the world. Seeing those scars on my own innocent little boy even disturbed me a little, and I had a hard time looking at them when ever I bathed him or changed his clothes. A reminder of all the pain he encountered while he was so small and had no inkling of why he was feeling that way. You have no way to explain pain to a child that young.
Maybe those of you have been reading here for a while have picked up that my perspective has been changing oh so slowly on things. The trauma of surgery, watching my child in pain, has dissipated. Life has returned to normal, in a way, and so comes with the normality a change in the way I see things.
That scar. So hard to look at at first. The bump on the ridge of his sternum. Making me cringe inside myself as I slathered my little one up with baby lotion. At first, a horrifying symbol of pain and hard moments; now, a beautiful testimony of his fighting spirit. A tough cookie, a strong little boy. That scar has changed my perspective. That scar has changed my life.
Oh! And you may or may not have noticed... Elliott's feeding tube is gone! The swallow test at the speech therapy clinic went well enough, and for the time being we are thickening up his formula with a little rice cereal. A little more calories, and heck, it was time to start him on rice cereal anyhow. He's eating a bit slow, but we are tracking his weight gain for now to make sure the tube it stays out permanently. Fingers crossed!