the little things.
There are times that, as a mother of a CHD baby, I feel attacked by worry. There are nights I can't sleep because Elliott slept a whole 4 hour stretch and I can't help but check on him every 30 minutes. I worry about the day he'll start school, that he'll pick up some terrible virus there and be hospitalized. I worry the other children we might have some day will feel alienated by Elliott's special needs. Or that Elliott will feel alienated because of his own special needs. Or, that maybe my other children will be born with heart defects. Worry sure feels like a prerequisite of motherhood, and we are not short of things to worry about over here.
And yet, life has a way of normalizing and making everything feel alright. The day-to-day of work/home/dinner/sleep is comforting. Routine, amongst the appointments and medicines and feeding and crying sessions, can make your heart feel whole. Really, life is good. It's the little things that bring you back to reality when your mind clouded by all of the needless worry.
grilled cheese sandwiches / baby snuggles / bedtime alone with papa and reruns of Seinfeld / a day off from work / walking the dog on a sunny Sunday / that first cup of coffee in the morning / okay, the second and third cups too / baby sighs after a hearty feeding/waking up to a blanket of snow on the lawn / hot tea and a roaring fire / a quiet house / likewise, a home filled with music and baby giggles /strong man arms around your waist / warm sun grazing through open windows / a rainy drive to work with a funny morning story on NPR / anything and everything where love, life, and light makes it's presence known