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Monday, April 8, 2013

a wish for you too, little one.


Little one-

Hi, it's your mama! Have we met yet? I have felt the little glimmer of your spirit in my heart for the last two months and yet it's taken me a while to swallow the pill that is being pregnant again, so soon after having your big brother. I said to him yesterday (your big brother I mean, his name is Elliott) that I was pretty fearful about what a new baby would bring to our family. There will be a lot of things we'll have to figure out in the next few months to prepare for your arrival. Sometimes, it freaks mama out. But nevertheless, little one, do know that you belong to us. You belong with us. We, your papa, big brother, & I, get more and more excited about your arrival every day!

But little one, I have to be honest with you. Your big brother was born with heart that, while good and pure, did not work quite right. It worked the best it knew how with tools it was given, but big brother Elliott had to have heart surgery to fix it. His heart works just right now, but that does not mean mama’s fears are totally gone. I will always worry about Elliott’s heart, and truth be told, I’ll worry about yours too, until the day you make your grand entrance in the world and we know for sure your heart is all in one piece. At the moment, I am choosing not to dwell on your heart or your health, however. Sweet baby, when I saw you up on the ultrasound screen at the geneticists office I felt a peace come over me. I knew in that moment you were perfect and just the way God intended you to be. I know only time will tell, but my wish for you is to live a happy and healthy life grounded in deep breaths and a loving heart.

You may watch your brother go through some hard things, little one, and it may not be easy for you. It hurts my heart to think that your heart might hurt, too, in these times, and I am sorry to say that at the moment I am not sure how to protect you from it. It was the card our family was dealt, but I promise you it has made your big brother, your papa and I that much stronger. You will find in hard times too, little one, that you will come out of them stronger than you were before. It may seem sometimes that Elliott will come first, or get special attention. Do know that it is because Elliott has a few extra set of challenges on his plate, challenges I am fairly certain you will not have to face. I promise to always to be a fair, loving, attentive mama, but at times it may seem like I am not. I am sorry in advance, my little one, but know it is because I am doing everything possible to keep everyone in our family happy and healthy. It will never be a reflection that I love you any less.

This is because, little one, I can already feel your spirit fluttering inside me. I know you will be brave and capable of great things, and I really can't wait to meet you and see who it is you will become. I know you will come to us with your own set of sleeping patterns and eating patterns and preferences. We have big, big dreams for you but know eventually you choose your own path. And whatever that path is, I am already very, very proud of you. Lots of love to you, my little one. See you soon!

All the love in the universe,
your mama


1 comment:

  1. Chralotte,
    You have a beautiful way of expressing what is in your heart and I was so very blessed by reading your love letter to your unborn child.
    Having a special needs child does have it's many challenges but the grace of God is sufficient to see you through those challenges.
    My Jason has been not only a blessing in my life but in Bill's and Nathans life as well. We have seen God's work in each one of our lives and I would not be the woman of God I am today if I hadn't experienced the challenges God has seen me through. It has been very difficult at times but well worth the journey.
    Nathan has always had a special love for his older brother and has always been so proud of him.
    God answered my prayers and I know He will answers yours as well.
    God has a special plan for Elliot's life and for each one of you.
    God bless you,
    Nora Boardman

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