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Sunday, October 19, 2014

turning off the noise.

Her first two teeth are finally coming in.
She really is sweet, in spite of what I may say sometimes. ;)
Crying only because I insisted on getting a photo before we went outside to play.
Immediately after a long afternoon nap.

I've been away an entire week! And while it wasn't intentional, it came from a place that needed stillness or a bit of peace from the noise. Obviously, I can't hide from the cries of a one year old who's had her toy snatched out of her hands, or the hourly bangs of the tupperware drawer being emptied and it's contents being strewn across the kitchen floor. Somewhere along the line though, my girl transitioned from an infant to a toddler, a demanding toddler. Somewhere along the line, our financial situation began stressing me out again. Somewhere along the line, Elliott's next cath date started creeping up. Costumes to make, a Christmas list to start building, self-imposed projects, possible career changes, limited patience, doctor's appointments, the bottomless dirty laundry pit, forgotten bills, oh yeah, and we are out of dishwasher soap... the list, the demands, has a way of piling up. I am not a perfect human being, and I don't for one minute pretend to have it all together. Some aspects of life suffer, and usually that means my escapes.

I've unfollowed a number of bloggers on Instagram, the ones that talk about the best high end baby toys, the trendy Etsy shops, and the "it" clogs of the moment. I've avoided Pinterest and stopped looking at my Bloglovin' feed. While I am not afraid to admit that I love stuff, wished I could support handmade businesses more, and wish that my family and I could dress trendier, these online spaces have made me start to lament my financial situation. They've stolen the joy out of my creative process because I have a hard time finding my work as good in comparison to the others out there that I admire. If my heart is feeling weak and I start playing the comparison game, it starts to make me wonder why I even bother with things like this blog. The Internet has a way of ripping away the joy out of everyday life, if you let it.

I am going to work harder at turning off that noise. It doesn't by any means mean that I am removing social media from my life. I am not. Blogging is where I found my voice. Instagram and Facebook is where I started connecting with other families affected by CHD, families I wish I could fly across the US to meet. Really, there is good that has come out of all of this too, it is simply about filtering the noise, finding the good, and guarding your heart from the bad.

4 comments:

  1. Girl......we are travelling through the same territory right now. I've quietly been weeding out the blogs and Instagram feeds that continually make me feel jealous, inferior, or just plain dissatisfied with my life. Unless something is encouraging me, motivating me, or being useful in some way, it's going!

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    1. Donna, I am glad I am not the only one to feel this way! I hope to return to some of my favorites in time, but there is a difference between feeling inspired and feeling like you don't measure up. For now, just being me is exactly right. :)

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  2. Charlotte, I think it is a good thing to weed out the noise... I do this from time to time with my media. I want to either learn something or feel something from who I follow.

    I agree that social media can be wonderful but it can also make us look at ourselves more and feel we are lacking... so it is good to tune that out :)

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  3. Cheers to that! Being the mama with no substantial income, I agree whole heartedly with weeding out the things that leave you feeling less than and wanting more. It's so hard- there is so much beauty and inspiration out there but it comes at a cost no matter what it is our time or money- both are always short with kids. You are amazing and irreplaceable!

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