a thankful heart.
“Those blessings are sweetest that are won with prayer and worn with thanks.” - Thomas Goodwin
I wrote a post last Sunday about weariness, but deleted it an hour later. Something about it was wrought with selfishness, and I realized that while my heart has been feeling weary, focusing on it will not make me feel any better. On Thanksgiving 2012, I wrote a post in the hospital cafeteria, sipping on hot tea while my three month old son battled for his life on the fifth floor. It had been a rough ten days at that point. Elliott had been re-intubated a few days before and I found myself clutching to whatever goodness I could to drag me out of the despair. And you know what? It helped. It totally did.
If you follow me on Instagram you know Elliott had a balloon procedure in his pulmonary arteries by catheterization a couple of days ago. It was a long day, but after all was said and done, we went home. It was not what we were expecting; typically they keep Elliott longer because his history has shown an intolerance for procedures. The breathing tube tends to cause problems for his sensitive airways. Coming off anesthesia is a bitch. And Elliott, my busy, active little boy who can't sit still for a moment, hated having to lay flat for six straight hours while his femoral artery healed, causing lots of desaturations in his oxygen levels. This time around, Elliott slept through most of the six hours, and when he did desaturate, he came right back up on his own immediately without any oxygen support. At one point he was kicking and screaming while they took the IV out, just as we were getting ready to leave, and he dipped to 96%. This alone was a huge feat! Yesterday, while Elliott's discharge paperwork said he needed to "play quietly indoors for two to three days," he was back to his old self. Getting into things, climbing and jumping off furniture, otherwise driving me bonkers. There's nothing quite like a heart cath to make you feel like a brand new person.
There's nothing quite like my two year old's zest for life to put things into perspective for me.
The autumn season, as I've said in countless posts, always causes me to pause. While the new season of October brings change and new perspective, November is a month to count my blessings. While I would always agree that I should count my blessings on the daily, there's something about the month of November that slaps me in the face with it. It's not just the four day weekend or huge feasts. It's really not. It's the tangible qualities of motherhood that bring me to my lowest points that stop and make me think about all the things that lift me up. My beautiful children. My amazing husband. My loving and supportive mother. The rest of my family that always rallies behind me. My friends, always willing to lend a supportive ear. Our home, a place to rest. My dog, who loves me no matter what. My job, truly, I am blessed. Good food to eat. A spot of time here or there to cultivate my creativity. And coffee, of course. I could never leave that out.